How to Tell Your Parents You're an Atheist: 11 Things to Consider

“How to tell your parents you’re an Atheist” — it’s a question people have been asking themselves since the dawn of religion. As Atheism becomes more popular, telling your parents you are an Atheist is getting easier, but it can still be very difficult. Especially if they are devout.

The fear of disappointing or hurting them, along with the potential for misunderstanding or conflict, can make this conversation a bit of a minefield.

But “coming out” as Atheist is an important step toward being true to yourself. 

Here are some tips to navigate this conversation with care, empathy and understanding.

1. Choose the right time and place

Timing is crucial. Avoid having this conversation during family gatherings or when tensions are already high. Pick a quiet, private moment where you can have an uninterrupted discussion. This setting fosters a conducive environment for open communication.

2. Be prepared for their reaction

Understand that your parents might react with surprise, disappointment, disbelief, or even anger. Be mentally prepared to handle their response calmly and respectfully.

3. Express yourself honestly but respectfully

Share your beliefs (or lack thereof) honestly and openly, but do so with respect for their beliefs. Avoid being confrontational or dismissive of their faith. Use "I" statements to express your perspective without attacking theirs. For example, say, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't believe in a higher power," rather than "Your religion is illogical."

4. Acknowledge their feelings

Acknowledge and validate your parents' feelings, even if you disagree with them. Let them know that you understand this may be difficult for them to hear and that you still love and respect them. Reassure them that your beliefs don't change your feelings toward them.

5. Listen to their concerns

Encourage your parents to express their thoughts and concerns openly. Listen attentively without interrupting or becoming defensive — hopefully they are giving you the same courtesy. If your parents are very devout, or don’t know any Atheists, they may not understand what it means to be an Atheist. They may have questions. To prepare for them, here is a list of commonly asked questions Atheists get. Listen openly, and respond honestly. 

6. Focus on shared values

Highlight the values you still share with your parents, such as kindness and compassion. Emphasize that your lack of belief in a god doesn't change who you are as a person or your desire to live a meaningful and ethical life. For many people, Atheism is simply all the good stuff — charity, community, the golden rule — without the God stuff. 

7. Set boundaries if necessary

If the conversation becomes too heated or if your parents are not respectful of your beliefs, it's okay to set boundaries. Politely — but firmly — let them know that you're not willing to engage in a conversation that is hurtful or disrespectful. You can always revisit the topic at a later time when emotions have cooled down.

8. Give them time to process

Understand that your parents may need time to process this news. They may have questions or need space to come to terms with your beliefs. Be patient and give them the time and space they need while reaffirming your respect for them.

9. Seek support if needed

If you're worried about how your parents will react or if the conversation doesn't go as planned, seek support from friends, other family members or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate this challenging situation. You can always contact us at veryatheist@gmail.com. 

10. Focus on moving forward

After the initial conversation, focus on moving forward positively. Continue to nurture your relationship with your parents based on love, respect and understanding. Remember that while your beliefs may differ, they should feel confident that you’re focused on keeping the family bond strong.

This last point is controversial. The goal of discussing your beliefs with your parents should result in mutual respect. If you think the conversation will be too difficult, or if you think telling your parents you’re an Atheist will put you in danger, consider this alternative:

11. Don’t tell them

If you think the result of telling your parents you’re an Atheist may alienate you from the family or worse — put you in danger — consider not telling them. Or at least be patient and wait for the right time. If they are not forcing you to participate in religious rituals that make you feel uncomfortable, and not putting you in any danger, weigh the gains with the potential losses before starting this discussion with them. As we said in point #1, timing is everything. 

Telling your parents you're an Atheist is a significant step toward living authentically and being true to yourself. By approaching the conversation with empathy, honesty, and respect, you can navigate this sensitive topic while preserving your relationship with your parents.

Remember, you're not alone, and there is support available to help you through this journey.